The Proof of Love

“Only those you love can truly hurt you.”

It’s one of those sayings we all intuitively understand — passed down through poems and scriptures. It’s not their love that gives them that power. It’s yours. Strangers can offend you. Acquaintances can annoy you. But when someone you love lets you down? That cuts deeper.

The Wake of Expectations leans into that emotional truth — but it also turns it inside out:

You only know you love the ones who have hurt you.

If they’ve never disappointed you, never confused you, never made you question whether they see you the way you see them — then you haven’t really been tested. And without that test, you don’t know what you’d be willing to hold onto.

That’s the kind of love Calvin wrestles with throughout the book — not abstract, idealized love, but something messier, more human. Some of his most important relationships are full of friction: with his father, with Jake, with Dani. These aren’t simple bonds. They’re complicated, inconsistent, sometimes painful. And yet they endure. They matter.

Because real love is stronger than the pain.

Because sometimes, you need it more than you need peace.

The Myth of Perfect Love

Popular culture loves the idea of unconditional love, but what it often sells us is uncomplicated love. The fantasy is appealing: a partner who always understands, a friend who always knows the right thing to say, a family that never disappoints.

But real love doesn’t live there.

The true test of love isn’t how you feel when everything’s going right. It’s how you respond when things fall apart. When someone you love lets you down — when they disappoint you, misunderstand you, hurt you — and you still love them, something deeper is revealed.

And here’s the part we often forget: you’ll hurt them too.

You’ll get it wrong. You’ll say too much, or not enough. You’ll miss the moment, overstep, disappear when you should’ve shown up. And when you do, you’ll give them the same chance — to prove whether they love you back.

This isn’t about excusing bad behavior. It’s about recognizing that love doesn’t mean never messing up. It means staying honest through the mess. And that goes both ways.

You Don’t Get to Choose Only the Good Parts

There’s this belief — especially in our curated, self-protective culture — that we can keep the good parts of people and discard the rest. That we can draw a firm boundary around hurt and say, that part doesn’t count.

But that’s not how memory works. And it’s not how love works, either.

The experience only has value in its totality.

You don’t get to cherry-pick which moments mattered. The uncomfortable ones mattered. The confused ones. The ones that left you speechless or angry or sad. They’re all part of the bond. Sometimes, they are the moments that matter most.

That’s what The Wake of Expectations explores — not the fantasy of love, but its weight. Its contradictions. The way it persists even when maybe it shouldn’t. The way it survives the parts we wish we could edit out.

A Moment, Recognized

One of my early beta readers reached out after reading a particular scene. She recognized herself in it. She recognized the moment that inspired it.

“I didn’t realize I hurt you,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

I told her the truth:

“I’m not. I’m thankful for all of it.”

Because I am.

I wouldn’t erase it — not even if I could. That moment mattered. Not just for what it revealed, but for what it proved. The relationship was real. And the fact that it left a mark? That’s how I know it meant something.

Final Reflection

If someone has never hurt you, you don’t know what kind of love you’re capable of.

And if you have never hurt someone you love — never disappointed them, never misunderstood them — you don’t yet know what kind of love they’re capable of either.

The point isn’t to avoid the pain. It’s to honor what the pain reveals.

But we’d be lying to ourselves if we didn’t acknowledge this too: there’s a line some people cross that they can’t come back from. A moment when forgiveness isn't possible, or isn't enough. A moment when the damage tips into something irreparable.

That doesn’t mean you never loved them.

It just means you can’t love them anymore.

Maybe the hurt changed something. Maybe the trust collapsed. Maybe the cost became too high. The Wake of Expectations doesn’t offer a tidy answer to that — but it doesn’t flinch from the reality either: love, once proven, can still be lost.

That’s not failure. That’s part of the risk.

Because this isn’t about perfect love.

It isn’t about easy love.

It’s about real love — the kind that bruises, bends, forgives, and, sometimes, walks away.

And if it mattered — you’ll carry it either way.

Javier

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